10/8/15

the dilemma of honoring last wishes; part 2



In our previous post, we talked about dealing with conflicting feelings that can arise about carrying out your spouse/partner’s last wishes.

If you’re facing this dilemma, or already have, consider the following:

1) At the time these requests were made, he or she couldn’t have anticipated the realities of how you would feel when the time came to carry out these wishes.

2) Discuss with family members the possibility of compromise. If, for example, your spouse/partner wanted no service or memorial but you and the family feel the need to get together to share the loss, you might arrange a “gathering” to which family and friends can bring photos and mementoes of your spouse.

3) The important thing is that you honor(ed) your partner’s life in the best way possible for all concerned

Keep in mind that your needs are as important to respect as your late partner’s were.

4 comments:

deb e said...

It is not a pleasant subject, but my husband and I sat down and discussed our last wishes, long before he became terminally ill. I was so glad we did, because his illness caused him to be very confused at times. I knew what he wanted, and I did my best to honor his wishes. You never know what may happen in life or what decisions you will be faced with-at any age. Take the time and sit down with your partner to discuss your final wishes-write your wills and your power of attorney-both for healthcare and finances. You hope you won't have to use them for a long time or be faced with those difficult decisions, but if you do, it will be easier if you have planned ahead.

Laurie & Ruth said...

Thanks for your excellent suggestions, Deb!

deb e said...

My husband had friends all over the country-and the last thing he wanted was for family and friends to be standing at a gravesite crying. When he died, we had a big party at a local park to celebrate his life. I asked everyone to bring their favorite story and we sat around and shared many memories and laughs. At the end of the evening, my daughter, my granchildren and I wrote personal messages to him and tied them to smiley faced balloons that we released. I know he would have loved it-no one enjoyed a good laugh more than my husband-even if it was at his expense!

Anonymous said...

Can any body help me.my mum's dying wish was me and my sister to arrange her funeral she told us how much she had left us to do this and what ever was left was a little something for us to share. Her longtime carer has claimed to be Her partner arranged the funeral didn't tell us when or where or we haven't had no say in the funeral arrangements. I haven't mourned my mother as I feel so angry that I have let her down.all so he lives in my mother's house and my sister who lives next door went and knocked at my mother's door to find out what's happening he's family shouted at my sister to get out. I Am my mum's next of kin what rights does he have and what rights do I have.
Please can some one help
Thank you dawn