4/25/16

when it's wise to stay home; part 1


If your spouse/partner has recently died, out-of-town family or friends may have urged, “Come stay with us. It’ll be good for you.”

In the early weeks following the death, this heartfelt invitation can seem like a welcome reprieve from painful daily reminders of your loss.

The lure of being with children, grandchildren or close friends who are otherwise far away is especially strong when you’re grieving. It can also be tempting at a time when you’re struggling to adjust to life without your spouse.

Don’t start making travel plans just yet.

Unless your current surroundings are fairly new or your local support sysytem is very limited, waiting a month or so can make an important difference because:

1) As the shock of the death itself (even when it was expected), wears off, the familiarity of your own home helps you adjust to the gradual realization of what has happened.

2) Emotional and physical support from local family and friends is greatest after the death itself. Support tends to decrease over time. as others assume you're adjusting to life without your spouse.

When you leave town, you interrupt these critical aspects of a healthy mourning process.

In our next post, we’ll look at some common problems that can arise from this interruption.

2 comments:

deb e said...

Someone once told me, "No matter where you go, there you are!" There is no escaping the grief process. I personally found comfort in my own home-my "safe zone". I spent time with friends and family locally, but didn't travel. It just postpones the inevitable. I was more comfortable being close to home, and learning to get used to life without my husband in what I call my "new normal". I was able to go through the mourning process on my own terms, on my own turf, and for me it made the journey a little easier.

Laurie and Ruth said...

Great comment, Deb! Really appreciate your description of how you utilized the comfort a home-based "safe zone" to gradually adjust to the "new normal" of a life without your husband.