7/30/12

widowhood way back when: all that jazz


New Orleans Jazz Funerals

(Excerpted from funeralwise.com)


Historically, the New Orleans jazz funeral could last up to a week and sometimes even included a parade.
A typical funeral began with a slow march from the home of the deceased to the church or funeral home. During the march, the coffin may have been carried by a horse-drawn hearse and was accompanied by a brass band playing somber dirges and hymns. After the memorial service, the march would proceed to the cemetery and the tone would remain somber until the coffin had been placed in the ground or until the group was out of sight of the church.

People on the streets where the march passed were welcome to join in and go along with the mourners to the cemetery. This group was referred to as the “second line.“ The brass band would play a couple more hymns, though these were played with a swing beat, to alert mourners that the mood was about to change, then would launch into wilder music with tambourines and drums.

The music and dancing were both a cathartic release for mourners and a celebration of a life well lived. In this state of jubilation, the group would then march back to the location of their reception.

Carrying vestiges of African funeral rituals and originally intended to celebrate the new-found freedom of a departed slave, the jazz funerals of New Orleans evolved throughout the 20th century to come to be recognized as one of the most respected ways to exalt the life of a loved one. Musicians, police officers and African-Americans in particular have been remembered by this style of funeral and finally, those many victims of Hurricane Katrina were paid high tribute as well, New Orleans style.

A symbol of life, a symbol of death and a symbol of re-birth, the New Orleans jazz funeral salutes a life well lived and the passage of a departed soul into a better world.




7/12/12

when grief affects your eating and sleeping; part 2



Sleeping

In our last post, we looked at ways to cope with the appetite loss that’s a common symptom of grief.

Here we revisit our best advice on getting through those nights when sleep is a problem.


Sleeping Solo

Some people find it difficult adjusting to sleeping alone after his or her partner has died.

It’s often uncomfortable to change your position in the bed after having shared it with a partner. For some, moving into a bedmate’s “space” may feel comforting while for others it’s a painful acknowledgment that a loved one is no longer there.

Whether you feel most comfortable sleeping on your usual side of the bed or moving to your late partner’s side, here are some tips for helping you adjust to sleeping alone:

1) Try hugging a pillow to help you doze off.

2) You may want to sleep with an article of clothing that carries your partner’s familiar scent.

3) If you’re uncomfortable moving from your customary position, “try out” shifting yourself gradually toward the center of the bed.

4) If you initially find it comforting to have your young child/children sleep with you, try to ease them back into their own beds as soon as possible. While it may be reassuring to you and your child in the short term, you don’t want to burden children with the responsibility of “taking care” of you.

5) Sharing the bed with your pets, however, is a better way to feel less alone.

Adjusting to sleeping by yourself is a very personal process. There is no right or wrong about this, so take your time and move (or sleep) at your own pace.


How to Ease Into Those ZZZs; Part 1

Since your spouse/partner’s death, do you feel exhausted during the day because when you try sleep at night, you:

a) Toss and turn all night, unable shut down your thoughts?

b) Fall asleep, only to wake up a few hours later, unable to get back to sleep?

With all the mental and physical overload caused by your spouse/partner’s death, it’s no wonder your normal sleep habits have been affected.

If so, keep in mind that some disturbances in your normal sleep pattern should be expected. With all the changes and stresses you’re dealing with, it’s no wonder you can’t rest.

With time, these typical symptoms of grief will subside.

In the meantime, remind yourself that everything seems worse at night. Once morning arrives, the problem or memory that kept you tossing will probably seem more manageable.


How to Ease Into Those ZZZs; Part 2

Now for the 7 most useful tips on dealing with that long stretch before your alarm goes off.

1) Use your bed for sleep only. If you have get up, go into another room to read or watch something boring on TV. Avoid the mental stimulation of using a computer.

2) Don’t look at the clock. Noticing how long it’s taking you to fall asleep can become another pressure.

3) If you’re too tense to fall asleep, get up and perform some repetitive housework, like vacuuming...(read more)

7/9/12

when grief affects your eating and sleeping; part 1



Eating

Research has shown that you’re more vulnerable to physical problems following the death of a spouse/partner. This doesn’t mean that you will get sick, only that it’s important to take care of your health during this stressful period.

The following posts offer some practical suggestions for coping with the diminished appetite that can accompany grief and mourning.

Losing Your Appetite

Feel like nothing will ever taste good again?

Wish people would stop nagging you to eat when you just don’t feel hungry?

If your spouse/partner has recently died, you probably haven’t felt much like eating. It’s not uncommon to feel a loss of appetite in the first month or so after a death, when your body as well as your mind is in a state of shock. Keep in mind that your appetite should slowly return with time. In any case…(read more).

Online Help

We came across a site for adult children who have lost a parent. In a useful post they recommend offering support by arranging to have prepared meals delivered to a widowed parent.

There are online sites that provide special diets, vegetarian and/or gourmet cooking.

While this is a great way for others to “do something”, it can also be a good way to take care of yourself. Especially at those times when you don’t feel up to shopping and/or fixing something to eat.

Or depending on family or neighbors to do it for you. In any case, always make sure your doctor knows about your recent loss and any prolonged problems you have with your appetite.

There are also some regional supermarket chains that offer online selections and home delivery. Check out Netgrocer.com, which has an extensive directory of online food, grocery, and pharmacy products. Another option is groceriesexpress.com.

Although it can get costly, occasionally ordering meals or groceries online can provide a healthy alternative on days when you’d just rather not bother yourself or others.

In our next post, we’ll revisit some useful posts that deal with sleep disturbances affected by your loss.