12/16/21

can't stop crying



That might sound like title of a country western song, but it’s all too real an experience when your spouse/partner has died.

After my husband’s death, I felt like the tears would never stop.

I remember being at work, in social situations, or just driving and finding myself unexpectedly tearing up. Caught off-guard and often embarrassed, I’d head for the nearest private place (like a restroom or quiet street), to try to pull myself together.

I realize some people consider crying a form of self-pity.

But I’ve learned that tears are nature’s way of helping us release tension. The best way to do the mourning is to do the grieving. And that means every tear helps.

So trust yourself. Your mind does have a shut-off valve.

Look for tips about the best private places to grieve in our next post.

Ruth

12/13/21

reflections by deb edwards: what i know for sure about being a widow

Back in 2009, we were contacted by Deb Edwards, a visitor to our lostmypartner.com website.

She emailed: "I lost my husband last year, and have done some writing about it. I would like to share my experiences with other people who have had similar losses, in hopes that I could reach out to them and touch them in some way that would help them through their journey." 

Thanks, Deb, for sharing the following timeless reflections :

What I Know for Sure About Being a Widow
I hate the sound of the word "widow" so much I can barely say it out loud
When I think I can't cry anymore...I do
Grief is something you can't get around...you have to go through it
That "hole" will never be completely filled
You find consolation in very unexpected ways
The car and the shower are good crying places
No one gets to tell you how to feel...whatever you feel is OK
You never know what could trigger the grief...it could be something as obvious as the holidays or as random as the cereal aisle
You get to feel the way you feel until you don't feel that way anymore
Anyone who says "I know how you feel"...doesn't
You do find laughter amidst the tears
People say it gets easier - don't know - I'm not there yet
Having "no regrets" will help you find peace in your heart
They are always with us...but never in the same way
Life does go on...but never the same way.
Take care of yourself...and remember to breathe. Deb Edwards

12/2/21

best ways to get through the holidays during covid 19


With Christmas and New Year’s arriving during the current pandemic, we thought you might appreciate some additional support right now.


Best Ways to Get Through the Holidays During Covid 19:

Dreading the upcoming holidays? Especially with Covid restrictions making everyone feel more isolated?If you’ve recently lost your spouse, the  can feel as unwelcome as Marley’s Ghost. Here are some tried and true strategies for facing the holiday season:

1) Think ahead and try to anticipate how you’ll feel on each holiday.

2) Even if you don’t join in virtual family gatherings, don’t remain alone all day. Spend some time chatting with a friend by phone using Facetime, if possible.

3) Considering your loss, don’t expect yourself to be as upbeat as usual. Expect some sadness as you take part in any social interactions.

4) To lessen the chance of emotional “sneak attacks”, make some time to grieve, either on the holiday or just before it.

5) If you do choose to join in online family holiday activities, feel free to limit how long you remain online or become involved in the conversation.