reflections: quotes to get you through the days; part 9

1) Courage is being scared to death – but saddling up anyway.

– John Wayne

2) There is no grief which time does not lessen and soften.
– Cicero

3) I am beginning to learn that it is the sweet, simple things of life which are the real ones after all.
– Laura Ingalls Wilder

4) A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.
– Lao-Tzu

5) Don’t let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was.

–Richard L. Evans

a widow by any other name

  Struggling with being referred to as a “widow”?

According to our post, I Hate the Word Widow! going through the death of a spouse/partner is difficult enough. As soon as the death occurs though, you’re suddenly labeled by everyone as a “widow”.

As we discussed in Your New Identity, it’s difficult enough just adjusting to no longer being part of a couple, without the pain and stigma of being referred to as a widow.

Unfortunately, there have always been negative stereotypes of what it means to be widowed. Take for instance, this example from literature:

From the novel Middlemarch by George Eliot: "My dear Celia," said Lady Chettam, "a widow must wear her mourning at least a year.”

In order to save face in society, a widow was compelled to announce her loss to the world by her apparel.

Read more.

handling household repairs; part 2: resources

As we discussed in Part 1, it’s a good idea, whether you choose to tackle household repairs and maintenance yourself, or hire someone, to become as informed as possible about the problem.

Here are some websites you might find helpful:

http://www.hometime.com/: based on the PBS TV series Hometime, this site offers a video library as well as an archive of how-to-articles from experts.

http://www.diynetwork.com/: based on the TV cable channel DIY Network, this site also provides advice from experts on various home improvement and maintenance projects.

http://www.ehow.com/: Go to their How-To/Home & Garden/ Home Repair & Maintenance page for tips on how to fix household problems.

You might also look at these reference books at your local library or bookstore:

Readers’ Digest 1001 Do-It-Yourself Hints and Tips by Readers’ Digest

Black & Decker The Complete Photo Guide to Homeowner Basics by Jodie Carter & Matthew Palmer


Discovered more sites and/or books? Please let us know!

handling household repairs; part 1: dealing with fixing things around the house

If your late partner used to handle household repairs, you may feel clueless about coping with these situations.

You may choose to learn new skills yourself or get assistance such as:

1) Asking a trusted relative, friend or neighbor for referrals.

2) Joining an online referral service like Angie’s List.

CAUTION: Hiring anyone who leaves flyers or is just a listing in local newspapers or a supermarket bulletin board can be risky. With any worker or service person you don’t know, insist on references BEFORE allowing the person into your home. Be certain to contact the references and if possible, check online reviews such as Yelp.com.

If you do decide to tackle a minor replacement or repair, consider the following:

1) If possible, always bring the part that is broken into the hardware store or service center. This saves time spent trying to otherwise explain the problem to the clerk.

2) There are many helpful online sites that will take you step-by-step through repair processes. Your local library is another good resource of “how to” books.

3) Look into taking a “how to” class at your local home and garden center or community center. Even if you decide to hire someone to do the actual repair, you’ll be a more informed customer, which will help protect against unnecessary and/or costly work.

Remember to take your time and try to be patient with yourself. Think of a skill you already have. How much trial and error occurred before you mastered that one?

In Part 2, we’ll offer some resources to help you acquire new repair skills.

am I responsible for my spouse’s debts?

In addition to the trauma of your partner’s death, you may also face the burden of his or her financial debts.

Here is some advice from Bill Hardekopf, CEO of LowCards.com and author of The Credit Card Guidebook:

When is a surviving spouse not responsible for credit card debt?

If a credit card is only in your spouse's name, the debt only belongs to your spouse (there are exceptions to this in community property states). Family members will not be responsible for the debt or forced to pay it. Even if you are a second cardholder on the account who has charging privileges, but it is not a joint account, you are not responsible for the remaining debt.

If the card is only in your spouse's name, the estate is responsible for paying off the balance. The executor of the estate will use the assets to pay off the debts. If the estate doesn't have the money to pay the bill, then credit card companies must write it off and the account is closed.

There are several instances when the surviving spouse is responsible for the credit card debt.If the card is a joint account, this means that your name is also listed on the account and the card is reported on your credit report. You will be responsible for the debt after your spouse dies.

In addition, if you live in a community property state, you could also be responsible for the debt. Assets that are gained together during marriage are classified as joint property in these states.

This can also apply to debt. Debt gained together during marriage is considered joint debt and the surviving spouse is responsible. Rules vary by state. States that use common property laws include: Alaska, Arizona, California, Idaho, Louisiana, Nevada, New Mexico, Texas, Washington, and Wisconsin. Sometimesthe surviving spouse will only have to pay the debts that he or she benefited from like food, utilities and health care. (read more)