9/28/20

widowhood way back when: wear what widows wore way back when





We came across a site, recollections.biz, that offers wearable reproductions of Victorian era mourning clothes. And to complete the picture, you can discover Victoria’s real secret by also purchasing reproductions of 19th century underwear.

According to the Recollections home page, “Have you ever envisioned yourself back in time…when genteel women wore delicate lace trimmed camisoles, pantaloons, bloomers, petticoats, blouses, bustle skirts, feather trimmed hats and lest we forget, elegant ball gowns. Made in rich velvets, taffetas, satins, and cottons and lavishly trimmed in a virtual treasure trove of laces, ruffles and beaded bodices. Recollections makes it possible for your dreams to come true!"

Don’t forget to add the stifling long black veils (better than sunglasses for hiding those tell-tale puffy eyes and red noses), or the black gloves, capes and, for summer, black parasols.

You too, can resemble your Victorian grandmother as you mourn your loss.

Just be sure your bloomers are trimmed in black.

9/17/20

understanding your child's reactions; part 3








In Part 2, we covered many of the feelings your child or teen may not be able to express in words.

In this continuing excerpt from Lost My Partner – What’ll I Do? Revised and Expanded Edition, we go on to discuss the impact of the loss on your child:

It’s important to realize that since your spouse/partner’s death, your child’s world has been impacted in a number of ways:

a) Children and teens expect their parents to always be there.

b) Due to your own grieving, you’re often emotionally unavailable to them.

c) Your child may be afraid of showing distress out of fear of further distressing you.

d) Children and teens often feel that their peers and some adults treat them differently because of the death. Others can, in fact, be uncertain how to react to grieving children and teens under these circumstances.

Your child needs you to help find the words to express the pain.

Make the time to ask your child his or her views about what has happened.

Listen to his or her thoughts about death. Correct false thinking but be sure to listen and give them an opportunity to ask questions. It’s important to give clear, truthful answers about what happened.

Trusted family and neighbors can be invaluable at a time when you’re so overwhelmed by taking on some of your childcare responsibilities.


IMPORTANT: Do not create the expectation that your child or teen has to take the place of your spouse in any way. This is especially important with older children and teens, who are often able to assume chores like cooking, housework, or driving.

Check out our post, Online Support for Grieving Kids and Teens for helpful resources.