5/30/19

your grieving child and a new caregiver/housekeeper


(Excerpted from our book, Lost My Partner – What’ll I Do? Revised and Expanded Edition)

Introducing an unfamiliar person into the household following your spouse/partner’s death can present special concerns in terms of your child’s sense of emotional security. It’s important that the caretaker/housekeeper be made aware of the following:

· The importance of being sensitive to your child’s grieving. Explain that your child’s behavior may sometimes reflect an inability to talk about the loss. Stress that it’s up to your child to decide if he/she wants to talk about what’s happened, and the caretaker should not pressure him/her.

· How to handle issues of loss. Clarify that you wish your own beliefs about death and loss, rather than the caretaker’s, to be the response to your child’s questions or concerns. If the caretaker is of a different religion and/or culture and therefore views death differently, it might be wise to discuss your family’s religious orientation with him/her.

· Your child’s needs and concerns regarding household routines. Allowing your child to participate in a discussion on this subject will help him/her feel understood by the new person caring for them.

5/6/19

making it through mother's day - this year



Holidays like Mother’s Day can be difficult, especially during the first year after your loss. Gift items and cards are advertised everywhere, bittersweet reminders of happier family times.

Mother’s Day may stir up the pain of loss for you, your children and/or grandchildren. If you’ve lost your spouse/partner, it may also remind you of your own deceased parent(s).

Children in particular can feel left out and troubled while others around them celebrate the occasion.

Here are some tips for helping your family cope:

a. Acknowledge your own feelings of loss by talking about how you miss your spouse/partner or parent. When children see you sad or tearful it lets them know their own feelings are normal.

b. Have younger children create “remembering” cards, with photos or drawings of special memories about their parent or grandparent.

c. You may find it comforting to visit the cemetery or other place of remembrance.

d. If there is a family gathering, make some time to share fond or funny memories of your loved one.

The feelings Mother’s Day stirs up won’t just go away. It’s best to acknowledge the occasions, even briefly, especially with children. Otherwise, these emotions will come up another time.

5/2/19

reflections from lost my partner: words of wisdom





1) Your limitations in coping are temporary. With time, you’ll get better at handling responsibilities.

2) Trust your own instincts while sorting out well-meaning advice from others. You are the best expert on you.

3) Try not to let others pressure you. What is right for someone else is not necessarily right for you.

4) If possible, postpone any major decisions for the first year. Your ability to make sound judgments is temporarily out of order.

5) Be patient with yourself. Don’t expect to be able to make serious plans at a time when having to decide what to do tomorrow can feel overwhelming.



Hope these help.