best online support if you're widowed

Although there are several forms of online support for those who have been widowed (chat rooms, bulletin boards, etc.), our favorite is GriefNet.org. This non-profit site offers almost 50 specialized email support groups as well as two web sites.

According to the GriefNet site:

"Our groups operate 24-hours/day, 365 days/year. Members participate when they wish and are able to, not at a set time. When one member of a group sends an email message to the group, everyone in the group receives a copy. This allows many people to respond with love and caring to the thoughts and feelings of an individual, day and night, year-round. Since 1994 these groups have helped thousands of people around the world deal safely with their grief."

We also like the fact that there is a mental health professional in charge:

"All groups are monitored by trained volunteers who make sure that the groups are running smoothly. Overall supervision is provided by Cendra Lynn, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and traumatologist."

A sampling of GriefNet’s email groups includes:

Grief-Widowed is a support group for anyone who has lost a partner or a spouse at any age, at any time, of any sexual orientation. If/when subscribers find a need for a more focused list, that can be created.

Widowed-with-Kids is a group for those who have lost a partner or spouse who still have children living at home. This is a place where the unique problems of parenting when widowed can be discussed.

Grief-Widowed Moving On is a support group for anyone who has lost a partner or a spouse at any age, at any time, of any sexual orientation, and who has moved on beyond the first raw stages of dealing with that loss. This list was formed at the request of people in grief-widowed group whose issues have become different from those who are newly bereaved. Some persons subscribe to both lists.

Grief-Men is a support group for bereaved men who especially want to talk to other men about their loss.

Young Widowed is a support group for those aged 40 or under who have lost a spouse or partner. Please note: the age cut-off is only suggested; those who feel themselves to fit into this category are welcome.

Widowed Gay is for gays who have lost a partner to death or whose partner is currently dying. Gays are also welcome in our other widowed groups and while we have never had a homophobic incident, this group was created in response to a special request from some gay widowed members.

There are also support groups for children and teens:

Kids-to-kids, a support group for children ages 12 and under.

K2K-Teens, support for ages 13 through 18.

Learn more about these and other groups offered by GriefNet.


kim said...

Hi, I'm new to this site. I lost my husband of 31 yrs suddenly in April. I'm not sure about anything at this point. How I'm supposed to feel or what I'm supposed to do. Of course I'm sad but confused also. It's hard to explain. Just wanted to know if anyone else felt like this. Thanks

Laurie and Ruth said...

Dear Kim,

Yes, many people feel a mix of feelings and reactions to the loss of a partner.

Please check out some of our other posts, especially those under the categories of "Loss of Spouse" and "Symptoms of Grief".

At some point, you may also find that a widowed support group offers you a chance to share your experiences and reactions with others in similar situations.

Take care and thanks for your comment.

Anonymous said...

I lost my fiance Monday. Her funeral was yesterday. I do have family support, I do have faith,
yet I feel so lost. My heart is in a million pieces.

Laurie and Ruth said...

Your feelings are completely understandable.

Please give yourself as much time as you need to process everything, and keep in mind that every tear counts.

Please let us know how you're doing.

Unknown said...

I lost my Husband of 17 1/2 yrs 3 weeks ago I have to wonderful boys 16, and 14 they have been my rock but I feel so lost and I can't sleep, I wish the night time would never come , I pray the Lord comes and gets me too I just have such a void and ill I can do is pray and cry ..

Laurie and Ruth said...

Dear Shoni,

While the shock and pain of your loss are still so raw, it's understandable that you're feeling these things.

Just the loss of sleep alone really adds to the physical and emotional strain of grief.

Many many people fantasize about being reunited with their spouse, and feel hopelessness and despair at the thought of getting through the days ahead. Try to keep in mind that every tear DOES help and that over time, the pain WILL soften.

You mention that you have 2 sons. While you're grieving, are there other trusted adults in their lives who can provide emotional support right now? There are some online teen grief support groups through Griefnet.org and Kidsaid.com (an offshoot of the adult site).

Please check out some of our posts about coping with symptoms such as getting through the night and dealing with feelings of despair, etc.

Please stay in touch and let us know if we can offer more support.

Anonymous said...

Hi,I lost my husband 5/4/14.I feel so lost and alone.I spent the last two years caring for him and now I dont know what to do with myself.

Anonymous said...

Lost my spouse In August from suicide. I didn't recognize the signs. I am angry and irritable most days.

Anonymous said...

Hi my uncle lost his partner 3 years ago and he is so lost. I don't know how to help him. He talks to me and I listen but I can't give advice or answers. I suggested he might like to go to a group talk but he said he is shy and feels uncomfortable talking to strangers. How can I help him?

Laurie and Ruth said...

If your uncle was unable to openly grieve or get the usual support for his loss from family and or friends, it's understandable that his grieving process will be prolonged.

You don't mention how long he and his partner were together or how his partner died.

Please suggest he read our posts about "Not the Usual Partner". If he's uneasy being in a grief group, perhaps an online specialized group such as GriefNet.org will help.

Another option would be to contact appropriate community support groups and/or local hospital medical social workers for referrals to a private grief counselor who can best help your uncle.

Let us know if we can offer any other suggestions.

Please stay in touch.

Anonymous said...

I lost my husband in March so it hasn't been a year yet. We've had been married 28 years and two months so I think we are around the same length of time in terms of our losses.

I understand how you feel because I don't know exactly where I am at this stage in terms of the process of living alone. My children are adults and on their own. Indendent and living in other states.

Laurie and Ruth said...

Dear Anonymous,

Thank you for your comment.

Take care.

Linda said...

Hi i loss my husband two weeks ago we had 12 wonderful years together we have a mixed family two boys two girls. But my two girls were his life and then came our grandbaby poppys pride and joy he loved her so much.... Everyday is so hard he was told the first week of november he had pancreas cancer and with out sergury he had 3weeks he did the sergury but couldn't get it so we were going for cemo when he recovery from sergury but his kidneys failed and the liver to.. He was gone in 3weeks...He passed on december 1,14 So fast i just can't wrap my head around it all i do is cry.I'm so lossed he was my everything.

Laurie and Ruth said...

Dear Linda,

Your loss is not only very recent but pretty sudden and in a way, unexpected. While someone is undergoing treatment, there's always the hope that they'll recover and/or have more time.

Please be gentle with yourself and take as much time as you need to deal with the responsibilities and decisions that you're faced with.

Remember, every tear counts. Eventually, the pain does soften. But for now, give yourself permission to not be your old self.

Please stay in touch and let us know how it's going.

Kbw@gmail.com said...

Hi, was just wondering if there are any pointers on how to get through another Holiday without wanting ta throw myself off a cliff..My husband died in May 2010, my only child is in Nevada, and its not getting easier with time. Plus his birthday was Dec. 31...I'd really appreciate ANY ideas..

PB4ever said...

Hi, I lost my mother on November 1st 2014, and then my husband, my dear Friend of 27 yrs on December 5th 2014. This was the worst Christmas and New Year of my life. I just feel broken.

claire said...

Hi my name is claire i also lost my husband in august from sucide i totally understand your anger and grief x

claire said...

I too lost my husband to suicide in august i totally understand your anger and loss

Flo said...

Hi Kim,

I lost my husband 7 years ago to a heart attack. It is immense pain and agony especially the first few months. We all grieve differently so tak your time and speak what your heart is feeling.

I promise it will get better even though it does not feel like it now. We never get over the love of a lost love we learn to get through it.


Flo said...


I lost my husband of 14 years 7 years ago. I understand that the pain in unbearable especially in the earliest stages. The shock and numbness overwhelm your entire existence. I know you feel like your alone at this time but there are many places to help you along the way. I visited a website online for grief and it helped me to know I was not alone.

My prayers are with you.! I know you don't believe it but it does get better with time!

We never get over the loss of a love one, we just get through it.

Anonymous said...

I lost my husband 12/2005. I was 7 months pregnant and we had 2 boys, 5&4. I know it has been a while and I am currently in a relationship but i think I my relationship is being affected by everything I have gone through. I have no compassion for my partner. I don't want to cuddle, snuggle, or even be sexually active. Maybe it's my age, I am 37 but then I think, I am to young. I don't know what is going on. Can someone please help me.

Anonymous said...

I just lost my husband.an very confused an lost.

Unknown said...

I lost my husband of 19 years on February 4, 2015 from severe strokes, congestive heart failure, kidney disease and cirrhosis of the liver plus we have four grown daughters and one grandson. He was 52 when he passed away me his wife is 46 years old. It really hurts and painful to lose him.

Leah said...

I lost my husband suddenly in March. We were to celebrate our 35 anniversary this year. We met when we were just 6 yrs old, and have been involved in each other's lives ever since. We were friends all through school, and started dating in our senior year. i thought I was coping fairly well, but this last few days, I feel so hopeless. my heart is so broken. I feel like I don't know how to do life without him. I find myself dwelling on the days prior to his death, trying to find a symptom, a sign that he wasn't well. Also, he passed away at our home, so the picture I have in my head of him is that day. I try to look at pictures of him, as he was so handsome. he had the most beautiful eyes, but his eyes were closed when he passed so I didn't see them that day. I miss him terribly. it's not about being alone. it's his voice his smile his touch that I miss. How do you fix a broken heart? I don't think it's possible.

Laurie and Ruth said...

Dear Leah,

All your reactions are completely understandable. It sounds like your loss was sudden and unexpected and it's not uncommon in such situations for there to be many unanswered questions.

It's common to wrestle with feelings of helplessness, guilt and sometimes remorse with a sudden death, and this might explain why you find yourself dwelling on the final moments.

Please try to be gentle with yourself, take as much time as you need to grieve and keep your expectations realistic.

Please let us know how it goes.

Unknown said...

I lost my husband on 5/26/15. We were together for 10 yrs but married for 7. It would have been our anniversary on June 14. Everyday i think that there is something that could've been done because it was so sudden. He was 36 yrs old and that is just to young. I talked to him twice the day he passed away and he never relayed to me anything was wrong. My family is the most important thing to me and now the key piece is gone. I would give anything to have him here giving me all of his hugs and kisses. How does one go on when your best friend suddenly leaves? Will the pain ever go away? Does he know how much i love him? I have so many questions and day by day my heart breaks more and more.

Laurie and Ruth said...

Dear Pralez,

Unexpected death leaves us with many questions and emotional unfinished business.

Your reactions are understandable and very normal. While your loss is still very recent, keep in mind that over time, the pain does soften.

For now, however, try to seek as much support as possible. Being young and widowed can be very isolating and most people your own age won't be able to understand the struggles and challenges you're facing.
Please read our posts about sudden death as well as our posts about being widowed young. GriefNet.org has specialized online support groups for younger surviving spouses, so consider checking this site out.

Please let us know how you're doing.

Anonymous said...

I lost my boyfriend of 6 years 3 months ago in a tragic car accident I feel so guilty living life that was denied to him I'm so lost and confused half the time I can't think straight I hide myself from the outside world because i can't face reality yet this numb and heart breaking feeling won't go away and don't know how can I can ever be happy again

Anonymous said...

I lost my wife of twenty nine years four months ago I feel there is no one to speak to to express how I feel her fifty birthday is coming soon all I think about is my wife and I am lost and do not know what to do

Laurie and Ruth said...

Special occasions are especially difficult during the first year following a death. How you choose to acknowledge that day is up to you. We've found however, that trying to pretend it's just another day usually backfires, often resulting in a "sneak attack" of pain and grief at an unexpected moment.

Many people find that setting aside a few moments to think about his or her spouse and shed a few tears does help.

It also sounds like you feel isolated from others who you can share your loss with. It's not clear from your comment why this is happening but often men feel uncomfortable sharing their more vulnerable feelings (there's cultural pressure to be "strong").

Please consider one of the online support groups such as GriefNet.org
which offers several options. Or you might, at some point, contact the social workers at your local hospital for referrals to bereavement groups in your area.

In the meantime, 4 months following a death is still a very short time to expect yourself to feel like your usual self. Please give yourself as much time to grieve as possible (although others may pressure you to hurry). Once the initial shock of a death is over, (after the 1st few months), the painful reality of what's happened can hits like a ton of bricks.

Try not to make any important decisions during the first year. This first year will the most difficult. With time, the pain will soften.

Let us know how if we can offer more support.

Anonymous said...

I lost my fiancé in 2012 to a senseless crime, he was murdered. Still now 2015 I'm not over it at all. It feels like it was yesterday I have tried to start over moving, changing routines etc. But nothing helps I am driving myself crazy. I have gotten professional help but nothing, my memories are here. I miss him so much I feel hurt lost angry so many mixed emotions. I know I have worn my family members down, I feel like they are tired of hearing it so now I just cry to myself. This has taken a toll on me my health has even gone down hill, I have gained so much weight, I am lost.......

Laurie and Ruth said...

Having suffered the sudden murder of your fiance, it's not surprising you're still struggling. With this type of loss, most people experience a "complicated" bereavement, which means that there are many issues that delay the usual mourning process.

We're not sure what type of "professional" help you've gotten but we encourage you to try one-on-one therapy with a psychotherapist who specializes in bereavement. Not all therapists understand the special issues involved in treating the trauma of complicated bereavement.

It sounds like you're feeling isolated as well. Have you looked into a murder survivor's support group? Check with the social workers at your local hospital and/or check online for support groups in your area.

Please don't give up on getting the help you need!

Let us know how it goes.

Unknown said...

I lost my husband the day before our 19the anniversary, last month. I held him in my arms waiting for his last breath. we raised 8 great kids together, but I havLethem two youngest at home 16 and 18 they pretend they are ok but I see a drastic change in them both. It is hard to get to mad at them when I find myself in the same situation doing things way out of the normal for me. I feel like I have for once no control over any part of my life. I have always been the glue in our large family but I find it hard to even get out of the bed. Today has been extra hard because I had to take my sick mom to the hospital and as I walked into the ER I almost lost it my stomach knotted up. The Longer I sat there listen to all the machines the more I felt like I was in a horor movie .

Laurie and Ruth said...

It's not surprising you felt like you were in a horror movie. Your reaction to being in the ER even hits people who have to be there many years after the trauma of a death.

Please don't expect yourself to be your usual "strong" self (read our post, "Not Normal IS Normal"). You're still in shock and need to take as much time as you need to go through the mourning process.
It can be alarming to feel "out of control", but feelings of helplessness and being overwhelmed are very normal and will ease over time.

Children and teens express grief differently than adults do. We suggest you read our posts re their reactions to better understand and cope with them.

You might at some point find it helpful to check out GriefNet.org for online support groups for widowed parents as well as Kidsaid.com, a site designed for children and teens.

Are there any trusted family and/or friends who can help out with the kids right now?

Remember that nobody is strong all of the time, especially when death turns your entire world upside down.

Let us know how it goes.

AJ said...

Hi all, I lost my husband to suicide on the 1st April 2015. We met when I was 16 so had 23 years together. We have 2 beautiful children girl aged 13 and boy aged 6. His son suffers everyday from it, I try to keep it together for their sake put on the make up and go to work and as my husband used to say fake it til you make it and that's what I'm doing I'm pretending to people I'm fine and getting on with things. The shock is wearing off and I am so very lost. Such a waste of life to miss the kids growing up. His daughters confirmation was 2 weeks after his death in the same church it is just devastating, life will never be the same and I am a different person forever which makes me very sad . I feel I got off the train and everyone carried on. I don't know if I'll ever get back on.. its so tiring pretending to family and friends that your ok but really I'm dead inside and can't wait to get home talk to him an cry. Sorry for ranting :)

Unknown said...

I lost my husband 13 days ago the pain is unbearable I miss him so much it hurts

Unknown said...

AJ I am sorry to hear of your loss. My husband passed away in May, a week before my son's 8th grade prom and then the next week was his graduation. I still struggle day to day knowing I can't have him here physically, but I am learning that taking it one day at a time is the only way to keep your sanity. I totally have the same feelings as you, as far as faking it to make it, but what keeps us going is knowing he is here with us even though we can't see him. I pray God will give you and your kids the strength you need to help ease the pain.

AJ said...

Hi all. Thanks for your comments. the last few days have been very difficult as my son is questioning why he decided to take his life and leave him and his sister? Its very hard to answer things like that. I wonder will the crying ease off or will the tears run out because I find it shocking how much water can come out of someone. I don't want to go to work and listen to stupid problems when mine seem so crazy an for people to be worrying about windows not being cleaned properly etc.. I wonder will I blow so id rather not be around them. all I can say is shock is wearing off and the pain is flooding in along with the realisation that he is not coming back and I have to do this all alone with the kids and the kids will grow up without their dad. I feel so sad for them and so sad for Mike as he will miss all the beautiful moments with them

Anonymous said...

I lost my husband 14 1/2 years ago. Out of loneliness married again trying to convince myself it was better at the time than being alone, but it ended in divorce. I have two children from my second marriage. Being alone, I think a lot about him and my life then. It hasn't been the same since he has been gone. I know I wouldn't have my kids without the screwed up second marriage, but life was so much complicated then and he was always there for me. I didn't just lose a husband, but my best friend. I just till this day don't understand it. My ten your old son ask me why I'm sad sometimes and I tell him I miss my first husband and what I had with him. I do have a friend who lost a wife almost two years ago now, but no one else who can relate.

Ern said...

I lost my partner of 3 years to an accidental overdose five weeks ago. I have never fallen as hard for someone as I had with him. We were madly in love with each other - he was gorgeous, incredibly talented, intelligent, and passionate about every person and every thing he cared about. We had life plans together - we had all these places we wanted to go. I'm only 24 but I truly believe that a partnership like ours is rare for people our age. I have suffered from depression all my life and he contantly reminded me that he loved me and that I was the most important person in his life. He loved me more than I could ever love myself. It's only been five weeks but I am terrified of the months ahead. I can't believe he left me here by myself. I can't believe he's making me deal with this for the rest of my life. (I know it'll get softer but it will never go away.) My life is completely different now as I am a different person. He would have turned 25 on December 17.

Laurie and Ruth said...

Dear Ern,

It's understandable that you're feeling terrified right now. Not only was your loss sudden and unexpected but it sounds like this was a very special relationship in your life.

Five weeks after a death is very soon. Even survivors of much longer relationships feel terrified when facing the years ahead without their loved one. Adding to your pain may the fact that others aren't as supportive as they should be because of your age and/or circumstances.

Please check out GriefNet.org for online support right now. Or do you have any friends or family who can be there for you?

Please, try to take a lot of time letting yourself grieve. Try not to avoid feeling the pain because doing so can result in scary "sneak attacks" of loss at unexpected times. Check out our posts re coping with the upcoming holidays and what we've written re being young when you've lost a partner.

RDTC said...

I lost my husband in September 2015. He had a heart condition and did not have his defibrillator connected. He was putting off having the implant he doctor said he needed. I too am angry that he left me alone to deal with this. I am 44 and have never lived alone. I don't know how I will live in the house once I go back. My mother says it will not always be like this, but I can't see how. I try not to cry everyday.

RDTC said...

I lost my husband in September 2015. He had a heart condition and did not have his defibrillator connected. He was putting off having the implant the doctor said he needed. I am angry that he left me alone to deal with this. I am only 44 and have never lived alone. I don't know how I will live in the house once I go back. My mother says it will not always be like this, but I can't see how. I try not to cry everyday.

D. said...

Hello Everyone
Lost my partner of 8yrs last Aug. I have days& nights where I feel like it just happened. He was the love of my life. I feel like I'm in a holding pattern, trying to get it together. Now holiday season, man, I miss him, I miss us soooo much.

AJ said...

Hi all. I lost my husband on the 1st April 2015 only 8 months ago to suicide. we have 2 beautiful children a son aged 6 and a daughter just turned 13. we are devastated and don't know if we are coming or going. Put up the xmas decorations with a pretend smile and inside I'm dead. I cry every day and don't think it will ever stop how can it as the pain will have to stop.

its hard to get out of bed in the morning but I have to and get on with the day for my kids as I want them to lead a normal life and not let whats happened destroy their future lives.

Very confusing time, very lonely time and I'm very afraid :( Mandy

Laurie and Ruth said...

Suicide can be especially difficult to mourn. Survivors are left with so many unanswered questions as well as anger at the choice his or her spouse chose to make. The usual bereavement process is complicated for any survivors. Your confusion, loneliness and fear are very normal.

It's understandable that facing the holidays is tough. Keep in mind that there's no right answer to how much of the usual activities you're expected to observe. Read our upcoming posts re surviving the holidays. If it feels important to keep some of the usual activities for your childrens' sakes, it's ok to modify what you do this year.

Expect everything to be hardest the first year after a death. You might consider joining an online suicide survivors group (check out GriefNet.org or the Am. Assoc. of Suicidology), as well as a widowed parent's support group. Please consider getting some additional support as soon as possible.

Let us know if we can be of further help.

Mandachil said...

I lost my husband of 11 yrs suddenly on October 9 of this year I feel like I'm sleep walking through my life most days. I'm trying to be strong for his mom and daughters and I guess my self but most of the time all I really want to do is curl up in a ball and cry my eyes out. I still have no cause of death which is driving me crazy i mean how long does it take does anybody know. I'm sad mad scared lost all rolled up in to one messed up person

Laurie and Ruth said...

The feelings you describe are completely understandable. Being in limbo while waiting for the cause of a loved one's death can indeed make a person feel overwhelmed and "crazy".

In addition to the terrible uncertainty of not knowing why, the suddenness of the loss itself can leave so many unanswered questions and unfinished business.

Please try to find some private time when you can just let the tears come (many people find crying in the shower is a good time), and try to give yourself permission to not be "strong" all the time. It's still very soon since your loss and you should try not to expect to be your "normal" self for some time.

Consider joining an online support group to have a safe place to express what you're going through.

Let us know if we can help.

Unknown said...

Hi Mandachil. First off let me say how sorry I am for your loss. I lost my husband in May of this year and it's still fresh for me. With his autopsy results, it took 3-4 months for all tests and everything to come back to determine his cause of death. May God bless you and your family.

AJ said...

Hi Mandachil. Sorry for your loss. My husband passed away on the 1st April to Suicide and I got a call from the Guards yesterday to say the date is set in January for the Inquest. It has taken 9 months to process which is a lifetime when your grieving and want this over and done with so you can try move on. maybe get onto them to hurry things up and explain how stressed you are. might be worth a try. stay strong Mandy

rose perez said...

Hi my name is Rose. I lost my husband of 25 yrs. in June 2015. I still have days where all I do is cry. I go to work and am very grateful to be around people who aren't at loss for words just to take to me, so that makes me comfortable. But on the days that I don't work I'm lost...

Caitlin said...

I lost my husband in September of 2015. We shared 10 amazing years together and would have celebrated our 6th wedding anv this year. We have two small children (2 yr and 7mo.) how am I suppose to explain this to them when that time comes? Im lost. I try so hard every day to smile but I feel like im dying inside. I wanna scream and cry but none of that is going to bring my husband back. He was only 25 so why honestly why did this happen. I have an amazing group of family and friends who try but honestly deep down non of them know what im going through. They all have their "normal" lives and routine of everyday life however mine is more than shattered. I know I will make it, I have to for our children but on the inside im falling apart.

Laurie and Ruth said...

Dear Caitlin,

There are special issues that people your age and in your circumstances are challenged with.

Please check out our posts about being young and widowed as well as understanding childrens' reactions to the death (they express them differently than adults do).

You might also find an online support group for younger widowed parents on Griefnet.org.

Take care.

Anonymous said...

I lost my 24 year old husband in a tragic motorcycle accident two months ago. I have two small kids 4 and 2. We were together for 8 years married for 6 of them. We were high school sweethearts. We did everything together. I am so lost. I have lost who I am and my kids feel it and see it. His family has turned me away. I don't know how to continue my life with out him. How do I raise my babies to be strong and to feel so much love from me that they don't miss the love from daddy? I feel like a clock on the wall waiting to expire. How do I feel life again so I can raise my kids...

Laurie and Ruth said...

Please check out our posts for younger widowed as well as dealing with childrens' reactions and making sense of a sudden death.

Consider joining an online support group for younger widowed, such as GriefNet.org., as it sounds like you're feeling unsupported.

Thank you for sharing with us.

Let us know how it goes.

alone said...

I lost my husband of 38 years 3 months ago. I have no kids. Nothing makes any sense anymore. I feel I have nothing to live for.

alone said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Laurie and Ruth said...

Dear Alone,

While it can feel like you've lost a part of yourself, please give yourself much more time before making any important decisions about your future.

Right now, it's probably difficult to see any way forward, but keep in mind that you do matter to others in your life and in the months ahead your perspective will change.

If you are having serious thoughts about harming yourself or suicide, please talk to a professional RIGHT NOW. Contact your local Suicide Hotline either online or by phone (directory assistance/operator) can put you through.

The pain you're feeling right now will soften with some time. You matter and need to reach out to others for support right now.

arnold e. said...

Keep your head up. Not saying. It will get better soon hopefully it will. But it will be different.take some time for yourself. Peace

Phillupabong said...

I lost my dear wife in sept 2014 at this point I have been thru so many diff stages of grief and back again its frightening... At 60 yrs old I don't know how to start over and don't want to be alone...not trying to duplicate the relationship as it was so beautiful and special but instead build a new and just as good relationship to share life with...I'm just not sure how to start

Anonymous said...

Not much help for the computer illerate anyway I feel horrible no family who understand. Just want to craw in the grave with him if theirs life after death I will be with him if not oh well

Anonymous said...

I lost my husband of 46 years. we were high school sweethearts. it has been 2 years. he fought colon cancer for 10 years. My hardest thing is how to be a whole person and not half. He would want me to go on with my life. I love laughing and having joy in my life. I am involved in my church, have friends and family support, but still get lonely. No one will ever take his place, but would like to find someone just to go eat, listen to a good band, dance , and just enjoy life. I may never find it, but I am glad I am finally able to go on and not mourn every day. I do knot expect to fill the empty hole he left, just to find some happiness in the life I am leading now.

Anonymous said...

I just lost my wife of 35 years after a two year battle with breast cancer. I was lucky enough to be able to retire to stay with her tha last six month however now I feel so empty without her. She used to complete my sentences and at many time I used to tell her to get out of my head I guess I will have to go thru the grieving process. I do have two sons but they do have their live to live and I feel lost. Thank you for allowing me to post

AJ said...

Hi all. its sad we have to go on here and be in this situation but equally it is good to see we are not alone. I lost my husband last year in April so his year anniversary is soon. I have gone through all the first of everything. You will hear this a lot that time heals and we have to believe it. We will never forget, we will never stop loving but we will and have changed and will learn to deal with the loss and pain. My husband was only 38 and left behind our beautiful 12 year old daughter and 6 year old son. They are doing brilliantly as kids are so resilient and so brave so much that I wish every day I was like them but I'm not and I have also learnt to deal with this. for those of you that have small children leave them grieve in their own way as every child is different but they will be fine and the love of one parent is different but enough.

DS said...

hi my name is dotty I lost my husband of 37 years on March 8th. He died at home of cancer.I miss him so much. I just don t know what to do/ I just cry so much. I want him back.I have never felt grief like this.He was my husband best friend he took care of me when I needed it and now I am alone.How do you go on? We do have 3 sons but they are all grown.

Anonymous said...

Hi all, I lost my wife on 27 Dec 2015. She was 23 year old. We spent a wonderful and joyfull life of 2 years with each other. I miss her very much all the time.

AJ said...

Hi there. That is so lovely you can say you had 2 wonderful years with your wife. It is what you need to get through this difficult time is your memories. I lost my husband aged 38 last year and although the brilliant memories are hard to think about sometimes they are what will push you through difficult days. Be kind to yourself.. AJ

Richard said...

Hello. Like many others I was totally unprepared for the loss of my best friend in April of 2015. After many years of marriage she had a major heart attack and was gone in 2 days. The shock was magnified because she had no symptoms or heart problems. For a little over one year I'm still trying to adjust to living alone which is a first for me. Maybe keeping in touch with people who too have been through this might be helpful.

Richard, Boynton Beach, Florida

Anonymous said...

Hello everyone,

My best friend lost her husband three weeks ago very suddenly. He was 28 and also one of my best friends.
I am absolutely devastated and although I am able to go back to my normal routine my best friend is not and I am so worried.
I suppose I am looking for some advice from people that have experienced this to help me help her.

Laurie and Ruth said...

In addition to coping with your own grief, you must be feeling helpless in the face of your friend's pain.

Try to keep in mind that a sudden, unexpected loss takes lots of time to come to terms with. Also, when the survivors are young, there aren't as many people their age who can relate to what's happened.

It's wonderful that you want to support your friend, so here's some suggestions:

- read our posts about coping with sudden death, symptoms of grief, and coping as a young widow.

- offer to help your friend in specific ways, such as helping with chores, sorting through bills & paperwork, and/or taking care of other responsibilities that she's just too overwhelmed to deal with.

- even if your friend isn't up for socializing, you can offer to take her out for just coffee or just sit with her.

- when and if she's ready, tell her about our site and suggest she check out an online group on GriefNet.org for young widowed.

Hope that helps.

Anonymous said...

I lost my wife in Feb. Of 31 years. Feels like a part of my body gone. We went and done everything together. No one really understands the pain unless they have been there. I miss her so much.

Anonymous said...

I just loss my with of 31 years to cancer not many months after we were told she had cancer. We done everything together and am having a hard time dealing with the pain and lioness of not having her to talk to and hold each day. She was 49 , so I know how you are feeling. Am trying to get through each day.

Anonymous said...

I lost my fiance unexpectedly in 2014 when I was also carrying our first child I was 7 months pregnant at the time. Nearly two years now and the feelings are so raw and it still hurts now as much as it did the night i lost the love of my life. I've been so strong for our baby girl but lately I've been feelibg like I haven't mourned properly and might have a random outburst of emotions anytime soon now. I don't know how long I can kep it together for just hoping anyone has any activities or programs would be that would suit my situation.

Laurie and Ruth said...

It's good that you're aware of your emotional unfinished business and are reaching out for support.

Considering the way your loss happened and the fact that you had to focus on your new baby, it sounds like you may have put your mourning on hold.

You'll probably get the best support by consulting with a mental health professional, such as a clinical social worker or psychologist who specializing in grief and bereavement. While support groups for young widowed parents (try GriefNet.org), can also help, a one-on-one counseling situation allows you to focus on your own needs.

Ask your doctor and/or the medical social worker at your local hospital for referrals in your area.

With the right support, it does get better!

Sharon said...

My husband died in a motorcycle accident in September 2015. We were married 19 years and I sent six hours with him, knowing he had no brain activity. I went into shock and several times couldn't find my home, went to movies I didnt remember, so many lapses.
The worst part was that we lived alone together up in the Northern CA foothills. I retired as a Social Worker but he was still working at 54 and could have retired this month.
Neither of us had parent still living, and as an only child, my entire family consists of two adult daughters who live over an hour away.
I sleep in his clothes, smell his pillow and go from times I think I can cope to complete helplessness,
I havent even applied for his Social Securty, we were in the middle of remodeling, have four cars and motorcycles, Jeeps, a garage full of tools and virtually no one to help.
As is typical, the offers stopped coming after the first couple of months.
Never have I felt so truly lost in the world, with no one who loves me in an intimate way, and being young at heart, don't know if I want to exist alone until my last breath.

The worst moment was at a doctor appt when they confirmed that he was my 'emergency contact.' I realized I didn't have one. My kids have their own lives and children and can't take care of me in the way he did.

I am desperate to communicate with men and women who may be in a similar situation. In my case, the isolation makes it worse, and as a Social Worker, I know that there is no magic pill that will prevent going through the pain and trying to reach the other side. When my mother died, it tooks years to really forgive myself.

The trauma of seeing this fearless man who was the ultimate thrill seeker who could do anything and was in charge of most of the housing duties, laying in a way I wont describe here still haunts me, and I know the symptoms of PTSD, and I have them all.

Maybe I just want to feel those who do know what it feels because I'm so tired of telling others they can't know what I'm going through, as they think seven or eight months out of nineteen years should be enough to 'move on.'

I know I've alienated friends who don't understand, and only now am I really believing he isn't coming through the door.

A therapist once told me years ago that there is a difference between 'knowing' and 'believing.' That is so befitting my feelings.

If anyone out there can relate, I hope to hear from you.


Sharon said...

My husband died suddenly on his Harley. We live in California Northern foothills which just be became isolated without him. He was 54.

We had both lost our parents and I have no family left except my adult two daughters and cannot seem to motivate myself, even to apply for his social security.

None of his friends get why after six months I'm still grieving, and even a young psychiatrist doesn't and can't truly understand. I know no one who has lost a spouse who isn't at an age where they are mainly home bound and have lots of extended family who care for them.

I have no help with the house, cars, yard, money, and I had retired after 25 years as a Social Worker. My husband and I still went to metal concerts and were happy alone, only when he was on a ride with his bike or Jeep. What my life is i don't know. My family wants me to move back to Sacramento, but I can let go of the house we lived in for almost twenty years and he called 'Gods Country.'

We weren't kids, but we were still rockers and never considered age an issue. I feel stuck somewhere in the middle, and I am so lonely and see him everywhere in this house. Being a Social Worker, I know I have to suffer through this, but I don't know if I'm going to make it without any support system.

This is why I am reaching out to you. I hope someone, male or female can validate some of my feelings and perhaps become part of a much needed system of those who feel my pain.


Sarah Smile said...

I can understand my husband of 18 years passed away suddenly from cancer. It wasn't till he passed away I realized he was my rock,my best friend the love of my life.I wake feeling he's there...I hear his voice and I realize it's a dream. Everything I see,hear even the music I hear in a store,it suddenly can make me cry for no reason.But when you are so close that you were like one person.It feels like a fight to stay normal,everyday.

Eboni said...

I lost my Husband of 4 1/2 years of marriage to heart failure 1 week ago. Even though he just passed I have been grieving him for about the last year. And up until today when people ask, "how are you doing", the answer has been ok. Today is not a good day for me, I feel so confused, sad, and a bunch of other feelings that I don't know how to explain. I do not know where to start in this process of "moving on", because I do not want to leave him behind.

Laurie and Ruth said...

Dear Eboni,

What you're describing is "anticipatory grief". But even when we've been expecting a loved one's death, the reality of the actual loss can be overwhelming and confusing. It's normal to feel cheated by such an early (in the relationship),loss as well as some relief that the suffering is over (many feel guilty about feeling relief). Check out our posts about all the other typical reactions of grief you may be struggling with.

It's still waaaay too soon to expect yourself to "move on". If you're a younger person, others may pressure you about to do so but please don't rush into making any important decisions for the first year.

Bereavement is a process that we have to go through and you deserve to take as much time as necessary.

Unknown said...

Hi, my name is Tim. I lost my wife on May 28th 2016 to cancer. This grieving process is so hard. You don't realize how much you love someone until they are gone. My wife was my true love my everything. There are days I am a huge mess and days I am just a mess. I have 4 step kids two lived on their own and two lived with us. When she passed the two moved to dad and now I am completely alone. There is nothing worse then being in a house all alone at a time like this. I feel so alone, so broken that I don't know what to do. Our 4 years anniversary is in August, it's going to kill me. We were together 10 years. I use to rush home from work so I could see her beautiful face now I hate coming home to the emptiness. My wife passed 6 days before her 43 birthday. I often think why couldn't it have been me. She had 4 kids ages 14 to 23 to watch and grow up. Then I think not in a million years would u want her to feel this pain.

Laurie and Ruth said...

In addition to losing your wife, you also lost 2 children who shared your home and life. It's an especially painful situation when step-children are suddenly uprooted from one's life at the same time as their mother/father dies. For everyone.

Please try to be patient with yourself and check out our posts about maintaining relationships with step-children. Keep in mind that they
will continue to need you, despite living with their biological father.
Try to arrange periodic get-togethers.

Consider Griefnet.org for online support groups for younger widowed.

pvgt2016 said...

Hello I lost my husband May of 2016 he and I had dated off and on for the last 14 years we decided to marry September of this year, the marriage was complicated because we found right after we married he had life threatening medical conditions and passed a few months later. I have moral support from my family but it doesn't ease the pain its a constant stabbing in my heart. All of the what ifs, and not knowing how very deep you love someone until there absolutely no chance you will ever have them in your earthly life again.
Needing advice to get through the process.

Laurie and Ruth said...

It sounds like you're struggling with a lot of remorse, in addition to the usual burden of pain. You also mention that your situation was complicated.

Because of the above, you may find it most helpful to work through these issues with a mental health professional. Your doctor or local mental health service can refer you to a qualified counselor.

In the meantime, check out our post re dealing with guilt and remorse.

Hope this helped.

Wee said...

I lost my husband on Memorial day due to cancer after 18 1/2 years of marriage. He was my best friend I feel like I am going crazy I miss him so much. I cry every day but put on a good face for family. I don't believe I will ever feel different. I just want to be with him.

Bert Blass said...

I am very sorry for your loss. I lost my wife of thirty six years in January of 2015. She was diagnosed in 2005 with severe arthritis when it fact, it was multiple sclerosis. We were each other's best friend in the world, so close that each of us would know what the other was thinking. Strange, but so very true. I was here caregiver for the last ten years of her life. I watched her condition quickly deteriorate, from becoming paralyzed on her right side, loosing vision in one eye totally and partial loss in the other, suffering three strokes, and eventually becoming totally incontinent. Every time I went to the grocery store, she asked me to bring her back a surprise. To this day I cannot walk into a grocery store and go past the aisle where I used to pick out her 'surprise' without crying. Some people give me a weird stare while some are very considerate. Just hearing a favorite song of her's is enough to start me crying. And yes, I cry every single night and stare at her picture on my bookcase. I talk to her and I can feel her presence. I am still having a difficult time though. Will it ever end? Everything eventually ends. A beautiful flower wilts, a rainbow disappears as fast as it appears, and storm clouds are replaced by a warming sun. I hope and pray for all of us that our hearts will eventually heal. GOD BLESS YOU.

Unknown said...

I'm 54 years old and I'm still dealing with the death of my wife I'm having a hard time finding a way to move on

alone said...

Whatever I say or write with the best of intentions can be misconstrued. I am 60 and can't seem to carry on too. Each day comes and goes. I know the pain you are going through. Since we are alive, we have to go through the daily rituals.

Caitlin said...

I lost my partner of 8 years and childhood friend on may 29th 2016 due to a quadding accident, he left behind his 2 year old son and 2 month old daughter, I was pregnant at the time of his passing, I never would have thought this would happen to us.. I miss him so much and I think I'm just starting to go through the grieving stage.. I'm not sure how to handle things, I need to be here for our children but I feel down in the dumps about everything.. I need some support..

Laurie and Ruth said...


Thanks for reaching out. It can be especially difficult and isolating to be young, a new parent and suddenly widowed.

We suggest you check out online groups on GriefNet.org, some of which may be specially for younger widowed and/or parents of young children.

You might also check out our posts on being young and widowed, as well as posts that deal with how to cope with young children's reactions.

Hope this helps.

Let us know how it goes.

Unknown said...

Hi there lost my husband of 13 years he had stomach cancer Cer my heart is breaking it is so hard

Anonymous said...

Hi, im new to this site. I lost my husband in December. We would have been married 37 years in February. It's so true how sad, broken and lost one feels I have such a big whole in my heart. I wish I could turn back time but then I think I couldn't go thru this pain again! My children are older and have families of their own and that should be enough for me but it's not! I miss him so much. Yesterday I received a letter and for the first time I was classified as a widow. That was hard to see I don't understand why that's what I am but I just can't seem to pick myself up. I do try. My husband was diagnosed almost 6 years ago with colon cancer. He fought so hard to stay with me I was so proud--I am proud of him. I saw him suffer but he always managed a smile and a stroke of kindness always shined thru even though he was sick almost every day of those six years. I thought seeing all these years suffering that when he finally went to his resting place I would feel hurt but I would be ok knowing he is not suffering any more. I was so wrong!!! I cared for him until his last breath. Kept my two promises to him but nothing in this world prepares us for such a deep loss! There are days I just want to stay in bed! I go to work because I have to. Then I see people going about life with no worries as it should be but I'm hurting so much how could they go on as if nothing??? I'm sure I'm not alone. It just feels like it!!! I keep hearing time heals! I ask myself is that true?

Laurie and Ruth said...

Even if we've had time to expect a loss, the reality of death can take us by surprise. As ill as your husband was, at least you knew he was there.

Keep in mind that it's only been short time since his death, and that you need to give yourself much more time to come to sort through and grieve all the emotions and issues that are normal reactions.

Please try to be gentle with yourself and understand that your expectations of how life would be after your loss may not have been realistic.

Consider talking with a bereavement counselor to help you through this painful but necessary period of mourning.

Anonymous said...

I am very new to this site. I recently lost my husband on December 29th 2016. We were married for 22 years and have one child a son who is 12. I am still very sad and shocked as my husband died at home from a heart attack. When I wake up each morning the reality sinks in that he is no longer in our home, his things continue to remind me of him. I miss him. Financially I do not yet know if my son and I will be able to live in our home. This makes it even more difficult. I Feel lost, abandoned, scared and worried all of the time.

Unknown said...





Anonymous said...

I can totally relate to how you feel. I just lost my husband two months ago due to an accident in his job. We have two children. Our eldest, a son, just turned three and our daughter is just 9 months old. Just like you, i don't know how to start our lives again without him. I miss him so much that's why i end up looking for support group online and i happen to read your post. My husband and me are both 34 years old. I feel so depressed and losing interest in life. I just thought of my children so i will remain strong foe their sake. They are too young and they really need me right now.

Anonymous said...

I lost my wife and best friend exactly 2 months ago.I don't know what to do with my life I ask God why did she had to go. We were married 28 years and have 4 kids and to see my kids missing their mom truly hurts. Miss her especially at night and weekends when we did everything together. Then people say it will get better or that they understand, believe me you cannot understand even if you went thro it because all relationships are not the same. I sometimes see no reason to live but for my kids and one grandson

Anonymous said...

Hi my late wife passed away 23 November 2017,I looked after her like you for six years she died from breast cancer in my arms one of the hardest things in my life we made a plan to help me get through making sure all her wishes were carried out. After a while people got on with their lives and I put off going back to work as long as I could Started back at the beginning of February after a while work became my escape from loneliness She passed away before our 16th wedding anniversary she was only in her 59th year and we were going to take early retirement my family and friends have been great to a point, but they don't understand seeing people holding hands, tea for one, one coffee thanks one movie ticket please. No one to hug, I cried yesterday to I couldn't cry anymore my eyes hurt and I thought a walk, some gardening mite help and did some washing then the died not a good day. However, I am hopeful that things will get better one day sooner rather than later would be good.

Anonymous said...

My husband and I were married for 43 years. Our daughter left her abusive partner and moved back home with her two children. On February 11/16, her ex- partner broke into our house, shot and killed my beloved husband, shot our daughter three times and then put the shotgun to his forehead. He died later that day. My daughter is still recovering.
I can't relate to people because they have no concept of the horror and sorrow I am experiencing. No one wants to remember. I am in a very deep and dark valley. The only thing keeping me going is my faith in God.

Laurie and Ruth said...

It sounds like you're feeling very isolated and maybe pressured by others to "move on". In addition to unexpectedly losing your husband and also losing your daughter, you witnessed an extremely traumatic event.

Please consider getting some professional counseling to help with the many understandable challenges you face as you struggle to recover as a survivor of a violent crime. Contact your local victims support hotline to explore support groups.

Please get the help you deserve and let us know if we can be of further help.

Unknown said...

I lost my husband of one year of marriage know for four to cancer, he was my best friend and soulmate I am doing ok but just want some advice from someone who has been through this and how did you coped and moved on

Anonymous said...

Hi all! Just buried my wife of 40 years. She died suddenly in bed. It was very quick and ripped my heart out. I planned on being with her the rest of my life. Now she's gone, what do I do? Thoughts like these race through my head. I have no plans of hurting myself. I'm just so confused. I miss adult conversation. I miss the woman I love and know she's gone.l

Anonymous said...

Hi to all and I can also certainly relate tto your cases because I lost my wife 29/07/17 and it's e xectely a month since she passed but the pain is constant and unbearable. I keep thinking that this is all just a bad dream that will go away and she will be back, i simply refuse to accept that she is gone I just want her back how do I go on without her.

CBC said...

I can take tally relate to you. My husband of 5 yrs together for 7 yrs passed away suddenly from Leukemia that he didn't know he had. We have 2 kids ages 6 and 4. My son is confused and my daughter doesn't understand. I'm feel betrayed, blindsided and lost. My husband was and always will be my best friend. We had so many great tims together and had so many plans. I'm just lost and �� angry

Lily said...

I lost my best friend, the love of my life, my fiance, just days before we were to BEGIN our life together and I feel so lost, abandoned, broken, empty and ALONE. I just don't have any will or desire for life anymore.... I NEVER planned on living it without him and I don't ever want to. I just want to go home. I don't know how to live without him, and I really don't want to.

Laurie & Ruth said...

Dear Lily,

It isn't clear how long ago your loss occurred. Please keep in mind that your feelings are understandable and reflect a natural reaction to what has happened.

Many survivors find it helps to reach out for support to someone trusted, such as a clergyperson or professional bereavement counselor.

As impossible as it may seem now, the pain will soften, and your life ahead will slowly have some direction. Please try to be patient with yourself and let others support you in whatever ways feel right for you.

Anonymous said...

Hi , this is my 4th year now without my husband who died suddenly of a heartatack at 41 he died before the paramedics arrived with me doing cpr! So I have 2 kids now 9 an 13 an not a great relationship with in-laws or my own family either my dad also died 1yr after my husband! My head swims in an out of reality an dream mode , it's a struggle not to let other people's projection of unkidness swallow me up , i try not to worry what others think of me when his family talk about me it's just so raw when I have to deal with his sister's an mother !! Any advice most welcome please

Anonymous said...

Hello, I am 60 and lost my wife to breast cancer in 3-13-18. We were married 31yrs and been a couple for 43 yrs , my heart is so broken. IvI' lost the love of my life. Im finding so hard to cope with my loss. I have faith and I know I will see her again, but I just am having problems moving forward. I want find someone to talk to so I am not so alone. I know it's not easy and it will take time but it hurts so bad and being alone doesn't help. Anyone have any suggestions?

Laurie & Ruth said...

Despite knowing your loss would occur, the finality of death itself can be overwhelming and painful. You mention having problems "moving forward". At this point, you're still dealing with the very stages of bereavement and shouldn't expect yourself (or let others expect) to see yourself "getting on with" your life. It's important to give yourself permission to not be your "normal" self for some time. Keep in mind that the way you're feeling right now is temporary and shouldn't be rushed or avoided by distracting yourself. The best way to get through the pain is to let it happen.

That said, you might find one-on-one bereavement counseling, with it's focus on your own concerns, most helpful at this point. Bereavement groups aren't generally helpful this soon after a loss, but might be considered down the road. We suggest you contact the social workers at your local hospital for referrals to licensed counselors who specialize in bereavement and loss.

You might also checkout online referral services for clinical social workers (try the National Association of Social Workers).

Please give yourself permission to grieve and explore with a professional the best ways to feel less isolated during this difficult period.

Unknown said...

I just was looking at this site and was reading comments. I have been widowed for six years. my husband died suddenly. we where married for 38 years and he was the love of my life. I am still grieving and lonely. I would like to talk with someone that knows how I feel. My name is "Sweet Tea". Time has a way of healing but you never pass wanting someone to talk to

Unknown said...

I lost my wife the 22 of this October stomach cancer as well. I watched her loose the battle loosing wt. I don't know what to do or where to go. I just stay home and think talk to her picture. Lonely after 42 years of marriage.

Unknown said...

I understand what you are feeling. I lost my wife last month 22nd day. Feeling lost confused, mad, alone. I have a need to talk to someone about these feelings. So sorry for both our losses.

Unknown said...

It is hard waking up alone. Having to always put on a brave face for family. Even harder is knowing my children will grow up without a Dad. I lost my Husband on 22/09/2018 he was only 39. I miss him and don't know what to do without him.

Unknown said...

I recently lost my husband and best friend of 21 years on October 30, 2018. He passed at 45 years old from heart failure. To say my children and I are stunned and shattered is not enough. I am still numb from the the shock and trying to deal with everything. The pain is nothing that I have ever felt and there are days that I can't even function. I need to keep on keeping on for my children and for myself but the grief is so overwhelming. Looking for any advice for our family. Thank you.

Unknown said...

Ifeel for you i lost my husband in 2016 its bern rough

Unknown said...

I lost my husband dec 19, 2018..he had not been sick..we were married 45 years..he started running a fever on friday dec 14..I took him to the ER and doctor said he had flu but did not test for flu..went home by sun dec 16 he was worse I called 911..he ended up in Piedmint atl..dr said he had sepsis and not the flu..then he developed mrsa died 3 days later...I am angry at first dr because I feel he could have been saved..I miss him so bad..my best friend and soul mate.

Unknown said...

I lost my boyfriend of 8yrs to cancer on December 27th and the grieve is to much to handle i was hopeinh to talk to people who have been there and have some advice!

Laurie and Ruth said...

Check out some of our posts but for sharing your experiences and concerns, please consider checking out griefnet.org, which offers a way to connect to others in similar situations.

Keep in mind it's really soon after your loss, so try to be gentle with yourself.

Just me thinking to myself said...

Lost my wife of 31 years on Christmas day 2018 to cancer. Watched her waste away since April. Feeling mad at her, mad at doctors, mad at her church paster. Missing her so much. Mad at myself for not doing more, but I don't know what else I could have done. It's not fair, I am 8 yrs older, I should be the one in the urn. Then, at other times I am not mad at her, just so lonely without her. It's been 2 months, I just work every day to get out of this house, but the nights are long and too quiet. Not wanting to meet another, just want to turn back the clock. We had planned on traveling at least twice a year, now I don't even want to leave town.

Anonymous said...

Hello. I do not know how to post. Tomorrow wifi be 7 years since I lost my husband. We were married 38 years. I still miss him so much. He was my best friend and he was my soul mate. I am so lost without him. I am no help to anyone. I just want everyone to know that time helps but you are still lost without your love. Just depressed today and needed to let all this out.
Lonely and sad widow in sc

Laurie and Ruth said...

Dear Anonymous,
Despite your inexperience, you were successful in posting your comments.

It seems that in addition to grieving for your husband, you've really struggled with adjusting to life without him. There may be other, less obvious reasons for this. Many in your situation find it's helpful to talk things over with a mental health professional, who can help sort out and understand whatever is complicating the bereavement process. Check with the social services department at your local hospital or ask your doctor for referrals.

Thanks for reaching out and sharing your feelings on this important occasion.

Laura W said...

I recently lost my fiance in May 2019. He was in a head on collision. We have 2 kids together and he raised my oldest as his own. We where only together for 11 years, we use to joke about how long that had been, but now 11 years seems like NOTHING, NO TIME AT ALL. I met him when I was 19, he was 29. He was my best friend and honestly besides our kids he was my entire world. I've been so lost without him. Nothing makes since. I know I have to keep going for our kids but everything is so hard. We where in the process of remodeling a house to move in. Now the house is ready, kids are still excited to move. But me, I'm terrified. I don't know what to do about anything anymore. I know life has to carry on but without him nothing seems right. I don't want to keep going without him. I feel so cheated we where suppose to be old and grey when the time came. Just a few days before the accident we talked about what wed do when the kids grew up and left home and now it's just me and I've never been so scared of life in all my life. I keep being told move on hed of wanted me to and that hes watching over us we'll be fine. But NOTHING feels right or makes since anymore.

Laurie and Ruth said...

Dear Laura,

With any sudden death, and one of a young partner, it's especially hard to make sense of such an unexpected loss and may complicate the bereavement process for you. Right now, you're still in shock, which is normal. The fact that others are even suggesting you need to "move on" so soon after your loss is incredibly insensitive and probably reflects other people's helplessness about how to support you at this painful time. It's unfortunately one of the thoughtless comments younger widowed tend to hear. Please keep it mind that you need to listen to what feels right for you. Don't let others pressure you about any important decisions and consider getting support (Griefnet.org has online support groups for young widowed), because younger survivors often feel isolated and misunderstood (check out our post about young widowed issues).

Please take as long as you need. Bereavement is a slow, often painful process with ups and downs but if you try to cut it short, it will only result in "sneak attacks" of grief when you aren't expecting them and will seriously impact any attachments in the future.

Take care of yourself. Trust yourself. Ask for help from others. You're going to get through this one step at a time.

Unknown said...

I lost my wife of 32 years abourt 3 weeks ago. She had a progressive muscular disease so I was a care giver for a prolonged period of time, but the end was nevertheless unexpected and horrific . Really not sure what to do going forward. All my life I have had a goal or purpose, married life and career, raising kids, focusing on retirement and beyond, and now those goals seem so distant and remote . feeling a little adrift right now. sure I am not alone among this group

Anonymous said...

I lost my husband 5 months ago to a accident...im so depressed..low appetite and want to sleep...my 2 children are grown and when I need them the most they aren't around...it just makes matters worst..i pray god takes me also,,,i so lost