condolences from the clueless

Unfortunately, it’s an all too familiar situation when your spouse/partner has died and a relative, friend or acquaintance appears, phones or emails you.

In their well-meaning way, this person offers what they consider to be heartfelt and comforting words of condolence.

Unfortunately, these remarks come across to you as being incredibly insensitive, presumptuous or just plain clueless.

Here are some classics from our collection:

“It’s all for the best.”

“Well, at least he/she lived a good/long life.”

“I know exactly how you feel.”

“He/she wouldn’t want you to be sad. You have to try and be strong for him/her/the children/your in-laws/the family dog.”

“ Aren’t you over it yet?”

“Don’t worry – you’ll find someone else.”

“I went through the same thing during my divorce.”

Any of these sound familiar? For more a more extensive list of clueless condolences, check out WidowNet.org. It's a site with other helpful information for widowed men and women.

Got more remarks that have left you seething? Just click onto “Comments” and let’s hear ‘em!


Anonymous said...

"There is light at the end of the tunnel"

"He is in a better place"

"It is God's will"

"He needed to get out of that body"

"We all have to go sometime"

Laurie and Ruth said...

Dear Debbie,

The remark about the body is a new one for us. It should win the prize for Most Creepy!

Thanks for your contributions!

Anonymous said...

A local farmer's words to me, concerning the very recent sudden death of my dear wife.

"Yup...well, that happens."

Not "I'm sorry" or "Are you ok?" or "Anything I can do?" or "God bless you". Just, "Yup...well, that happens."

My wife Sandy was an exceptionally loving, giving, forgiving person, and she and Jesus wouldn't want me to harbor hate toward others. And I don't. I forgive him, because we all make mistakes. But it saddened me.

Laurie and Ruth said...

Thanks for sharing that comment from a man who is clearly clueless about how to talk about loss(unless it involves livestock).

Take care.