(Excerpted from Lost My Partner - What'll I Do? Revised and Expanded Edition)
In our last post, we discussed ways in which the loss of a non-traditional partner can differ from that of a traditional spouse.
Here are some suggestions for how to cope:
1) Are any of your partner’s family more accepting of you? It can be a comfort to share your pain with those who were close to your partner. Reach out to approachable family members or friends.
2) If you’ve been barred from attending the funeral, you might consider creating your own memorial gathering.
3) Let those close to you know what you’re going through. Check for community support groups or online resources.
4) Consult an attorney or contact your local bar association and the Social Security Administration about your legal rights and survivor benefits. While each state has different laws, some do make provisions for non-traditional partners. Even once divorced, if your marriage lasted 10 years or more, you may be entitled to your ex-spouse’s social security benefits. Don’t assume you have no rights – investigate!
Remember: it’s not important how others judge your relationship or your grief. What matters most is what your attachment meant to you and your partner. Recall what was special and cherish the bonds that brought you together. Respect your own needs and treat yourself kindly.
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