9/29/16

making sense of anger; part 4: handling anger



In Parts 2 and 3 of these excerpts from Lost My Partner, we looked at various ways anger about your loss may be misdirected, either towards yourself or others.



While it’s important to be aware that you’re feeling anger, it’s equally important to look at what you’re doing with it.

Feeling an emotion and expressing it are two very different things. Everyone feels anger sometimes, but the way you choose to deal with that anger can make a world of difference. You’ll probably feel angry and abandoned by your partner when it comes time to deal with financial headaches, your children, family conflicts, etc. Misdirecting your anger in any way, such as yelling at your family for no reason, won’t really make you feel better or less angry.

Here are some examples of choices you can make in handling anger:

DESTRUCTIVE WAYS:

- Verbally or physically attacking others.

- Turning anger inward. For example, scolding yourself, injuring your body by hitting something too hard, or having “accidents”.

- Doing self-destructive things like excessive drinking or drug use, driving recklessly, or neglecting your health.


CONSTRUCTIVE WAYS:

- Talking about your angry feelings to someone who will understand, such as close friends, grief counselors, widowed groups or religious advisors.

- Writing a letter to whomever you’re angry with but not mailing it, then taking a brisk walk around the block.

- Punching a pillow or a cushioned piece of furniture.

- Sitting in a room at home with the widows closed (so the neighbors aren’t alarmed), and shouting.



If you’ve come up with any other constructive strategies for venting anger, please share them with us.

9/1/16

important contacts after your partner’s death




In the overwhelming aftermath of your partner’s death, you may not be aware of some of the many financial and legal institutions that need to be notified. We came across this useful list compiled by Sheri and Bob Stritof on About.com Guide:

Here are some of the places and individuals you need to notify after the death of your spouse. There is no order in who to contact first.

Don't forget notifying extended and distant family members and friends, too. If you are feeling very overwhelmed, you can avoid hurting others' feelings by asking someone else to do this for you.

· Social Security Administration - 1-800-772-1213. Do not cash any checks received for the month in which your spouse died or thereafter. They need to be returned to the SSA. If Social Security benefits were received via direct deposit, you will need to notify your bank also. You also need to check on survivor benefits for both yourself and your children.

· Dept of Veteran Affairs if spouse was in the military for burial and memorial benefits.

· Automobile registration and insurance

· Work related associates

· Insurance policies

· Banks and Credit Unions

· Utility bills

· Credit cards and Loan Companies

· Organization and Church Memberships

· Landlord or Mortgage Company

· Telephone Company if you want your listing changed