reflections by deb edwards: what i know for sure about being a widow

Back in 2009, we were contacted by Deb Edwards, a visitor to our lostmypartner.com website.

She emailed: "I lost my husband last year, and have done some writing about it. I would like to share my experiences with other people who have had similar losses, in hopes that I could reach out to them and touch them in some way that would help them through their journey." 

Thanks, Deb, for sharing the following timeless reflections :

What I Know for Sure About Being a Widow
I hate the sound of the word "widow" so much I can barely say it out loud
When I think I can't cry anymore...I do
Grief is something you can't get around...you have to go through it
That "hole" will never be completely filled
You find consolation in very unexpected ways
The car and the shower are good crying places
No one gets to tell you how to feel...whatever you feel is OK
You never know what could trigger the grief...it could be something as obvious as the holidays or as random as the cereal aisle
You get to feel the way you feel until you don't feel that way anymore
Anyone who says "I know how you feel"...doesn't
You do find laughter amidst the tears
People say it gets easier - don't know - I'm not there yet
Having "no regrets" will help you find peace in your heart
They are always with us...but never in the same way
Life does go on...but never the same way.
Take care of yourself...and remember to breathe. Deb Edwards


Anonymous said...

Deb is a very dear friend of mine. We both lost our husbands recently and she has helped me with her thoughts on being a widow. They really hit home. Now I am hoping she and you will help me with the more recent accidental drowning of my older brother in Texas. (I do have your book.) One minute at a time I guess????

Sandy Bryla - Venice Florida

Anonymous said...

Dear Sandy,

Our condolences to you and your family. Experiencing multiple losses poses a tremendous challenge for grieving survivors. As we mention in Chapter 7 of Lost My Partner (under “Multiple Losses and Previous Losses), don’t be surprised if the recent loss of your brother stirs up some of the pain from your husband’s death.
You’re right about taking things a minute at a time. Try to be patient and gentle with yourself. Having the support of friends like Deb can be invaluable. At some point, you might want to check out www.griefnet.org for additional resources. Please take care and keep us posted on how you’re doing.

Anonymous said...

"what I know for sure" started out as an email to my friend sandy, who lost her husband 6 months after i lost mine. she was struggling with her grief and found that my words really helped her. since then, i have shared my thoughts with many others and the positive feedback i have received has touched my heart and helped me to heal. it has also encouraged me to keep on writing-thank you!