when adults lose a parent; part 3: more ways to cope

In part 2 of our excerpt from Lost My Partner - What'll I Do?, we discussed how losing a parent can affect your relationship with your surviving parent. We offered some suggestions for understanding and coping with
this situation.

MORE WAYS TO COPE

Here are some additional tips:

- Inheritance issues can open a nasty can of worms. In some families money equates love, so possessions can symbolize to members how your late parent felt about them. Try to enlist a neutral person to mediate any family discussions about this emotional subject.

- If possible, talk with your sibling(s) and evaluate what each of you can realistically do. If one of you lives far away, that person may still be able to pay for household help or other services and stay in touch on a regular basis with your parent.

- Have a frank discussion with mom or dad about how you can help. Keep expectations realistic and try to focus on specific tasks, such as helping with paperwork, shopping or home maintenance chores. Reach out to other trusted family members (such as cousins or older grandchildren), neighbors and family friends for assistance with chores. Others appreciate the opportunity to provide support in specific ways.

Have you discovered other strategies that help? Please share them with us.