thanks for asking, but...

Whenever friends ask you out to dinner or other events, are you uncertain about accepting the invitation? Uncertain because due to grief, you’re not sure how you’ll be feeling when the time comes to actually get together?

Here are some suggestions for handling this common dilemma for anyone who is bereaved.

After thanking your friends for their interest, remind them that because of your loss, every day has it’s ups and downs.

Ask your friends if it’s okay to notify them a day or so ahead of the occasion, so you don’t feel pressured and have a better idea of what you’re up for.

Keep in mind that most people are very understanding.

We’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences about these situations.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hi-- This is the first time for me to reach out to any site since loosing my dear husband of 31 years 51/2 years ago. I never expected to be a widow at 54. Somehow I always thought I'd be the first to go and I am still not certain why that was not the case. I am the risk taker of the family, the type "A" , the one my husband described as working like I was "killing snakes". He was the steady worker who allowed himself only 3 "mads" aa year and reserved one for tax time. He was a hard worker but never worked till 3 in the morning before a huge presentation like I did.

I married an only child and we had no children. Throughout our marriage I found I could get pregnant: I just couldn't stay pregnant. At some point I resolved to establish myself professionally and leave the rest to God and in doing so I remained a woman without children ... One who nurtures every weed!

My marriage was a great one and my husband showed me the kind of love we all hope to find! It has been so lonely without him, I cannot adequately verbalize how much I miss him!

The good thing about establishing my career is that I am financially secure. I have no debt no longer need to work or need any one to help me financially. I am secure -- and I am lonely!

I never expect to find what I lost, however, I would love to find a male friend to talk to and/or maybe to go to a movie with. Most of my friends are married and while I love the entire couple, I hate feeling like a third wheel when we do something together. When I hear friends complain about the dumb little things that can irritate you in a marriage I just want to shake them and have them listen to themselves! They have no clue how difficult it is to navigate in this great big world without
your best friend!

If loosing my husband was not difficult enough, I lost my mother-in-law two weeks later, and my mother three weeks after my mother-in-law.. My oldest brother died of a massive heart attack two weeks before his 57th birthday 6 months later, and just after that, my little og Sophie died. My world didn't end as I was certain it would, but I find I am just now starting to feel like I can laugh again.

If there is one thing I could change, I'd
find the way to tell spouses how hard it is to live without their loved ones. I know if I could find the words to clearly communicate how difficult it is to live without your chosen partner, I could help restore peace to many marriages. The stress of living alone is so much greater than any of the picky perfectionistic details that couples generally argue about!

Thanks for the place for me to vent and for reading and caring about my feelings. One thing I know for sure, death. of a loved one is not for sissies!