In our last post, we looked at some of the causes of tension between you and your adult step-children.
Here are some strategies for defusing that tension and improving communication.
1) Give everyone a psychological “time-out” from making any decisions. Postpone any discussions about who gets what for a few months and tell the family, “I’m just not ready to focus on such important questions yet.”
2) Look to other family members and friends for your emotional support. Your spouse/partner’s children may or may be there to lean on right away.
3) Don’t put your stepchildren in the middle of any unfinished business you have with your late spouse/partner or his or her ex. Vent your anger at the appropriate target, even if it means talking to a photo of your spouse/partner.
4) After a few months (trust your instincts about the timing), suggest a get-together. Assure your stepchildren that they remain important to you and you’d like to work out ways to maintain your connection.
5) Remember that when it comes it financial issues, conflicts can easily arise. Protect yourself by consulting with your own experts.
Keep in mind that if your prior relationship with a step-child was close, he or she will be anxious not to lose it. A strong foundation can help any relationship weather some temporary storms.
Here are some strategies for defusing that tension and improving communication.
1) Give everyone a psychological “time-out” from making any decisions. Postpone any discussions about who gets what for a few months and tell the family, “I’m just not ready to focus on such important questions yet.”
2) Look to other family members and friends for your emotional support. Your spouse/partner’s children may or may be there to lean on right away.
3) Don’t put your stepchildren in the middle of any unfinished business you have with your late spouse/partner or his or her ex. Vent your anger at the appropriate target, even if it means talking to a photo of your spouse/partner.
4) After a few months (trust your instincts about the timing), suggest a get-together. Assure your stepchildren that they remain important to you and you’d like to work out ways to maintain your connection.
5) Remember that when it comes it financial issues, conflicts can easily arise. Protect yourself by consulting with your own experts.
Keep in mind that if your prior relationship with a step-child was close, he or she will be anxious not to lose it. A strong foundation can help any relationship weather some temporary storms.
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